Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Superman's Dirty Laundry

Over thirty years ago, my young son and I lived in an apartment complex where we enjoyed some colorful neighbors. I was among the minority of clothesline devotees, even if mine was one of those square spinning types designed for miniature yards. Too bad the only place for it was in front of my kitchen window.

One hot summer day there came a knock at my kitchen door. On answering it, the older man standing there surprised me just short of alarm. After all, I recognized him as the neighbor who parked an over-sized flashy red convertible in the primo slot just around the corner, but we’d never spoken. Despite his short stocky stature, he had an unmistakable alpha male swagger—the sort of man I went out of my way to avoid. 

Thank goodness I kept my screen door locked, I thought, after his seemingly innocent opening question. Would I be using my clothesline that day, he wanted to know. Well-versed in the story of big bad wolves, I instantly took him as some pervert plotting to watch me bend over my clothes basket. Like an idiot, I didn't realize he was long past that point (as if my false sense of security at having a locked screen door weren't bad enough)! He went on to say how he loved the fresh scent of line-dried laundry, and that he wondered if he could use my clothesline once in awhile, that is, when I didn't need it.

Admittedly, his request seemed harmless enough; and after all, who didn’t like the scent of line-dried laundry? So I told him my clothesline would be free for him to use after lunch. Later that afternoon I peeked out to see if he had indeed hung any clothes. Wow, he sure had. One item.

It dangled there for the whole neighborhood to wonder about, too. It was such an enormous jock strap that its purpose defied imagination. I wanted to die. I bolted all of my doors and busied myself upstairs where I could keep an eye on things from a window.

What was he thinking? Or should I ask: How na├»ve was I? Did he figure his undergarment would induce me to tango right over to his place, carrying it in my teeth or something? Mercifully, by late afternoon it was gone, without so much as a word. Even more mercifully, we never crossed paths again and the only wash to ever hang on that clothesline was my own. I kept a close eye on his car after that too, and that’s when I noticed the odd jumble of letters on his vanity license plates: ITLN – STLN. I get it now: it was shorthand for Italian Stallion—quite a stretch, if you ask me. 

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

REMEMBER: The drawing to win a copy of my memoir ends tomorrow, Thursday, 26 June. 
Details are in my post titled: "Win a hard cover version of my memoir!"
Send your friends over too. Or not.

29 comments:

Patti said...

Oh, Vickie, what a funny story. And you have such a wonderful way of telling it.

Italian Stallion indeed! I've heard it said that if you have to tell someone you're a lady, then you probably aren't. My guess is that it's the same thing about being a stallion!

Thanks for sharing such a great story.

Hugs,
Patti

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Thanks, Patti. I admit I was a bit sheepish about sharing this one, so I'm happy you liked it! Vickie

Susan said...

Hi Vickie....
hee hee hee hee hee This was cute story to remember.

Glad the Italian Stallion got the message.

It was a one jock-strap kinda inquiry on his part.

Arrivaderci Italian Stallion!

Hope you have a terrific day. Susan

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Susan, Hahahahaha! Love it...kind of like a one-song wonder of the music world. Well, I bet not too many women can claim that pick-up approach!

Hope you enjoy your day too! Vickie

kate steeper said...

lol....i wont even go into my first attempts at using chat rooms ..i was so naive

Red Rose Alley said...

Oh my gosh, this is so funny. I loved this story. I was wondering if I could send it to a few of my friends and family e-mails. If you would prefer me not to, that's ok, but it is such a humorous story. The past few years, I have been writing short stories of my childhood for my family to read. I think it would be a good idea for you to do as well. I'm sure you have some wonderful stories to tell.

~Sheri

Marta said...

Hello from Spain: a very funny story. Point well taken. . Keep in touch

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Hi Kate, Sounds like you met some winners, too! Thanks for visiting. Vickie

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Sheri, Glad you loved it! I'm flattered you asked permission to share it...Sure, you may, as long as you agree to put my name with it and ask anyone you share it with to do the same. You might want to read my earlier post on a book drawing that ends tomorrow....my memoir! Warmly, Vickie

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Hi Marta, thanks! So nice of you to say so...and glad you visited. Enjoy your day. Vickie

Red Rose Alley said...

Vickie,
I guess I won't share your story after all because I would be happy to put your name on it when I send it out, but I'm not sure if anyone who shares it will add your name on it, but thanks just the same. It was a wonderful story. :~)

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Sheri,
I'd be happy to send you a .pdf - would that be easier? Vickie

TexWisGirl said...

oh my goodness! hilarious! he was definitely sending you a message - one you did not respond to and he probably was dejected. :)

Elephant's Child said...

Eeeeuw. And repeat.
I hope that stallion was gelded. Quickly.

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Thanks, TexWisGirl! Gives the idea of telegrams a whole new meaning. Vickie

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Hi EC - my feelings exactly, after recovering from fright! Vickie

Valerie said...

Thanks for the giggle. Too funny! Loved your post. Blessings and Sunshine, Valerie

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Hi Valerie, Thanks yourself! Glad you stopped by. Blessings to you too. Vickie

Brenda @ Its A Beautiful Life said...

What a too-funny story! I'm giggling.

Yes, please, count me in your memoir giveaway.



Lynn said...

Got your message and I am following and I see me in your "followers" list, so maybe it hadn't gone through yet. :-)

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Lynn, I do see you now...thanks. Happy to add your name to the hat. Thanks, Vickie

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Brenda, You are in! Thanks, Vickie

Bookie said...

Ah, Blogger got over its fit I think! This is the strangest story I have ever heard! I don't know if it is funny...or scary!

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Hi Bookie, Yep, Blogger is back. As to your comment, my philosophy is: no harm no foul...but I hear you.
Thanks for stopping by. Vickie

Vicki said...

Haha! Funny story, sleazy dude.

The hopeful mating advances of males in the animal kingdom are far more interesting - and attractive. Think a peacock and his tail.

So glad we women don't have to choose our mates (according to that guy) by varying shapes and sizes of jocks on a washing line. Ewww.

River said...

I once knew a man who thought he was an Italian Stallion. He wasn't....

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

Hi Vicki,
Got a kick out of your comment and agree the mating advances of males in the animal kingdom are definitely more attractive than the ITLN - STLN run amok. Maybe now that I've shared my story, I can forget it for good!

So happy you visited! Vickie

Musings, Tea, and Me said...

River, You are so right. Patti's comment (first in this post) is spot on: "I've heard it said that if you have to tell someone you're a lady, then you probably aren't. My guess is that it's the same thing about being a stallion!"
Vickie

Poppy said...

Oh my! I'm surprised ITLN - STLN didn't hang up his tennis shoes too!;)) So glad he never came round again. I would have been very nervous; kudos to you for keeping your cool!

Poppy